Where is my Lipstick?
Hi Everyone! It's me! Bob!
I have already figured out that when you are a reporter, sometimes you find out things that you feel are not right and you then get to have an opinion.
When my Mom and my Grammy said that Daisy could start her Blogging Business and that someday maybe I would be able to write stuff down too, they also said that we could not be controversial. I have absolutely no idea at all what that means. Just so you know.
So it's about my lipstick.
I'm sure that you notice that I appear to be wearing lipstick in this photo graph from Miss Bev. If you wanted to go back and check out other photo graphs of me, you might notice that not only does my upper lip get very "flushed", ALL around my mouth I am quite pink and although this has nothing to do with my lips, the inside of my ears turn BRIGHT RED when I am scared or embarrased, which is on a pretty regular basis, unfortunately.
Now I am sure that the entire country is aware that Ms. Sarah Palin made an unfortunate remark on September 3 about pit bulls wearing lipstick. My Mom says that Ms. Palin simply asked if everyone knew the difference between a Hockey Mom and a PitBull. To me this seems to be a pretty strange question. Hockey Mom's usually have two legs, not four; and they drive around in big SUV's, lugging a bunch of little two legs with them so that the little two legs can go kick a ball around in a field and get out some of their pent up energy.
As everyone knows, PitBulls have four legs and no driving license, but they would be most happy to learn how to play Hockey. My Mom and I kick around empty plastic jugs which is a game I love but it isn't really Hockey.
So. Ms.Palin said the answer to the question "what is the difference between a Hockey Mom and a PitBull" was that Hockey Mom's wear lipstick.
Obviously Ms. Palin hasn't met me. Bob. Lipstick Bob my Mom calls me.
Now that I have cleared that part up and when Ms. Palin reads this she will understand that she made a mistake, let's go on to Mr. Barack Obama. It seems that several days after Ms. Palin tried to explain that hockey mom's wear lipstick, Mr. Obama, in trying to explain that if a pig chooses to wear lipstick it doesn't change the fact that it was still a pig, has upset a lot of people, most of all Ms. Palin. (Or maybe he upset Mr. McCain, because actually my Mom says that Ms. Palin looks like she has some sense of humor, at least)
I like pigs, as a matter of fact. I want us to buy one so I can play with it. Anyway, where was I? This reporting is such hard work. Darn.
So, here is what I think. These people (Mr. Obama, Ms. Palin and ALL of the others who are trying to be in charge of our country) should just take a clue from us PitBulls and just get along. Not make a big fuss, not be rude, not take up important time saying bad things about others, but just be nice.
Here I am, just a PitBull and I know some important stuff in addition to getting along with everyone. I know that Hockey Moms have two legs and PitBulls have four. I understand that in trying to appear attractive, Hockey Moms often wear lipstick, and that I, Bob, often "appear" to be wearing lipstick because I have some unfortunate genetic problem that makes my lips and ears flush on a regular basis. I also understand that I am STILL a PitBull, lipstick or no lipstick. If someone put lipstick on a pig, it would still be a pig and no person that I know about would be upset about that. Also, by the way, pigs have four legs, so they can't be Hockey Moms either.
I am very hopeful that now that I have explained all this information, as a good reporting person should do, that Mr. Obama and Ms. Palin will put all of this stuff behind them and get on with their jobs. My Mom says that also means that all of the Republicans and the Democrats (this is way over my head) should stop being so silly over "issues" that were never issues in the first place. That is exactly what I said (I think), but my Mom feels she has to step in from time to time to make sure I'm getting my facts straight.
By the way, I told her that I had cleared ALL of this with Daisy very early this morning while my Mom was still sleeping. That is a perfect time of the day to communicate. HA!
Why do you think my lips and my ears get so red? You don't think there is something wrong with me, do you? Oh boy. And here is something else I need to know. What is the difference between Hockey and Soccer, because once I heard that same question about them wearing lipstick and now I'm confused.
I am done for the day. I am very, very tired.
Bob
I have already figured out that when you are a reporter, sometimes you find out things that you feel are not right and you then get to have an opinion.
When my Mom and my Grammy said that Daisy could start her Blogging Business and that someday maybe I would be able to write stuff down too, they also said that we could not be controversial. I have absolutely no idea at all what that means. Just so you know.
So it's about my lipstick.
I'm sure that you notice that I appear to be wearing lipstick in this photo graph from Miss Bev. If you wanted to go back and check out other photo graphs of me, you might notice that not only does my upper lip get very "flushed", ALL around my mouth I am quite pink and although this has nothing to do with my lips, the inside of my ears turn BRIGHT RED when I am scared or embarrased, which is on a pretty regular basis, unfortunately.
Now I am sure that the entire country is aware that Ms. Sarah Palin made an unfortunate remark on September 3 about pit bulls wearing lipstick. My Mom says that Ms. Palin simply asked if everyone knew the difference between a Hockey Mom and a PitBull. To me this seems to be a pretty strange question. Hockey Mom's usually have two legs, not four; and they drive around in big SUV's, lugging a bunch of little two legs with them so that the little two legs can go kick a ball around in a field and get out some of their pent up energy.
As everyone knows, PitBulls have four legs and no driving license, but they would be most happy to learn how to play Hockey. My Mom and I kick around empty plastic jugs which is a game I love but it isn't really Hockey.
So. Ms.Palin said the answer to the question "what is the difference between a Hockey Mom and a PitBull" was that Hockey Mom's wear lipstick.
Obviously Ms. Palin hasn't met me. Bob. Lipstick Bob my Mom calls me.
Now that I have cleared that part up and when Ms. Palin reads this she will understand that she made a mistake, let's go on to Mr. Barack Obama. It seems that several days after Ms. Palin tried to explain that hockey mom's wear lipstick, Mr. Obama, in trying to explain that if a pig chooses to wear lipstick it doesn't change the fact that it was still a pig, has upset a lot of people, most of all Ms. Palin. (Or maybe he upset Mr. McCain, because actually my Mom says that Ms. Palin looks like she has some sense of humor, at least)
I like pigs, as a matter of fact. I want us to buy one so I can play with it. Anyway, where was I? This reporting is such hard work. Darn.
So, here is what I think. These people (Mr. Obama, Ms. Palin and ALL of the others who are trying to be in charge of our country) should just take a clue from us PitBulls and just get along. Not make a big fuss, not be rude, not take up important time saying bad things about others, but just be nice.
Here I am, just a PitBull and I know some important stuff in addition to getting along with everyone. I know that Hockey Moms have two legs and PitBulls have four. I understand that in trying to appear attractive, Hockey Moms often wear lipstick, and that I, Bob, often "appear" to be wearing lipstick because I have some unfortunate genetic problem that makes my lips and ears flush on a regular basis. I also understand that I am STILL a PitBull, lipstick or no lipstick. If someone put lipstick on a pig, it would still be a pig and no person that I know about would be upset about that. Also, by the way, pigs have four legs, so they can't be Hockey Moms either.
I am very hopeful that now that I have explained all this information, as a good reporting person should do, that Mr. Obama and Ms. Palin will put all of this stuff behind them and get on with their jobs. My Mom says that also means that all of the Republicans and the Democrats (this is way over my head) should stop being so silly over "issues" that were never issues in the first place. That is exactly what I said (I think), but my Mom feels she has to step in from time to time to make sure I'm getting my facts straight.
By the way, I told her that I had cleared ALL of this with Daisy very early this morning while my Mom was still sleeping. That is a perfect time of the day to communicate. HA!
Why do you think my lips and my ears get so red? You don't think there is something wrong with me, do you? Oh boy. And here is something else I need to know. What is the difference between Hockey and Soccer, because once I heard that same question about them wearing lipstick and now I'm confused.
I am done for the day. I am very, very tired.
Bob
Bob, darling -
You have finally come into your own, as they say (a strange phrase which I cannot explain, other than to say it means you have found your Voice and have the democratic process to thank for it). This is a superb insightful blog - very helpful in these confusing times when the phrase "soccer mom" which used to be somewhat disparaging (although it did involve Mommy Vans with sliding doors rather than SUV's)has suddenly become an achievement and qualification for nearly running a very large country.
But the lipstick issue is equally perturbing: what a wonderful point you make about how regardless of on whom or what you put lipstick, these are not the sort of earth-shattering, soul-searching topics that politicians need to be harping on. I hate to think that avoiding issues of substance would be such a priority that they can get tangled up in how many angels can fit on the head of a pin- or a debate on the transformative power of lipstick. Speaking of which, I had always heard the saying as "You cannot teach a pig to sing - you will only irritate the pig and frustrate yourself." This little ditty is actually about something else altogether - as is the saying "Don't scatter pearls before swine," or "You cannot turn a sow's ear into a silk purse." All of these porcine-leaning sayings have little to do with the political process but I am sure are equally puzzling to a pink-lipped pit bull.
Not being either one, I cannot definitively tell you the difference between hockey moms and soccer moms but both involve transporting two-legged young un's to green fields where they chase each other and a ball and afterwards are given cookies that the soccer/hockey mom has baked or taken out of the cellophane and put into Tupperware as though it were homemade. Probably the Moms doing the latter are a bit better suited to being politicians.
Your Auntie Tracie who is proud of you and wonders what Dear Princess Daisy thinks of you blossoming as a blogger...?
Auntie Tracie, thank you so much for liking me Mom says now I sound like Sally Fields and what is THAT supposed to mean? You are right and I do not have any clues about any of those pig saying thingies. Except for the silk purse part. I bet our friend DanaMarie could make anything at all into a beautiful purse. After all she knitted me and Daisy into wonderful artworks!
This morning Daisy said a lot of people were probably anxious to know if she was helping me. Part of me wants to say that I am doing my blogging ALL by myself, but the GOOD part of me (95% Mom says) needs to say that Daisy is helping me a LOT.
I love you too, AuntieT....
Bob!
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Dearest Darling Bob,
Your Auntie Tracie forgot to mention "When Pigs Fly", but that's another complicated topic you may want to discuss with Princess Daisy.
I am absolutely thrilled with your newest post as it shows you really have put your "thinking cap" on; you're turning into a very wizened pit-bull. I'm sorry your pictures look like you wear lipstick and your ears turn red when you are embarrassed (I have the same problem), but I was a bit offended by Ms. Palin's reference to pit-bulls as though they are a very ferocious and dangerous breed. You are correct in that Mr. Obama should not respond with silly rhetoric and both candidates should stick with the important issues affecting our country.
Honey, I'm glad you talk to Daisy every day. She is a very wise dog. If she is helping you sort through your thoughts, then I say hooray! You are absolutely right that reporting can be very hard work and sometimes confusing, but we want you to know that you, Bob, are doing an excellent job and we love hearing your ideas.
Love, Blazer, Kimber & Vicki T
I am so happy to have all of you AND my Auntie Tracie to help me with my words. Not to mention Daisy, but that part is a secret, remember?
Can pigs fly? My Mom says that too and we have a big flying pig statue in our kitchen and some little flying pigs that smell like spices. How did they learn to do that? Do you think I might be able to do that?
Confused again, Bob
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Hi Cousin Bob,
I am sorry to be so late replying to your recent reporting post, but my mom will tell you I am very late to most things. I'm sorry -- there are just so many neat smells to be sniffed and items on the ground to be tasted and carried around. But back to my reason for writing:
Thank you for posting this very important issue. I asked my mom what this Sarah Palin person meant by comparing hockey moms to pit bulls. Does that mean hockey moms are sweet lovable creatures that love to be hugged and kissed, and would love nothing better than to cuddle up next to their humans for a nice long nap?
I don't get humans sometimes, do you? Especially these politicians -- my mom says there are more important things in the world to worry about than saying pigs or pit bulls or even hockey moms wear lipstick. Maybe someday they'll be as smart as you and me, cousin Bob.
Ooooh...speaking of smart pit bulls...did you see the television program on Friday night about our cousins and brothers and sisters that were rescued from some man's house in Virginia. I can't remember his name, but I think he played a sport on TV. It might even be the same sport that has my mom yelling and cheering at the TV every Sunday.
Anyway, this football man was keeping all of these pit bulls at his house and making them fight each other, when we both know that pit bulls would really rather curl up for a nap. But these very nice people rescued the dogs and this great place in Utah took them in and convinced them that they really didn't want to fight, that they should show the world what great dogs they can be. And they did! Maybe you could do one of your great reporting stories about that?
I watched that show with my mom and she cried when she saw how this one pit bull, who was scared of his own shadow in the beginning, ran and played with another pit bull at the end. And you know what? I cried a little bit too, but don't tell anyone -- I have a reputation to keep, you know...
Love and licks,
Cousin SMURF
P.S. I'm sorry I went on and on for so long -- sometimes I have a lot to say and not many people who want to listen. So thanks for listening!
Smurf, My Main Man
I love that show. It is called DogTown and I'm actually going to go to my sister's home today and watch Friday night's program which is saved by the TiVo Creature. I love that TiVo Creature, don't you? I am scared about what he might really look like in person, pulling and pushing all those wires and buttons inside the television set. I think really late at night while we are asleep he sneaks out and drinks. One would have to have had too much to drink to think they were good enough to accomplish all of that stuff in a 24-hour period. HA.
I got a new collar, by the way. Read my Blog in just a little bit more time today and I'll tell you all about it. Ask your Mom to get you one.
Love, your BFC (BestFriend&Cousin)
Bob
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